Mama's boy, that's right,
what mama wants
Mama's boy, mama gets
Like that high -tech cassette player I bought her,
she'd always drinked up
She went through dang near 1 ,300
worth of cassettes first week
She'd listen to the
A side, then the
B side, then throw it away
Poor thing didn't know it had a
rewind button on it
Heck, I told her I was gonna buy
her one of them satellite dishes
She said, son, save your money,
it probably wouldn't match my china anyhow
I went ahead and had
it installed and said,
Mama, I'm coming over
and watch the movie
Titanic with you.
She said,
I ain't never heard of the
Titanic.
You know, the big ship that
went down and drowned
all them people.
She said,
Lord, I ain't heard nothing about it.
Of course,
I ain't read the paper in two or three days.
I show up at her house, middle of
August.
She comes to the door in a fur coat,
snow chains on her
El
Camino, and a fire in the fireplace.
I said,
Mama, it's hotter than two rats
faking whoopee in a wool sock outside.
She said it's supposed to snow tonight,
be down to three below zero
Mama had that satellite dish tuned
in to the news in
Anchorage,
Alaska
She'll flat -out tell a fella how she feels
They ain't never walked on the
moon and rest is real
She's been known to get
a little confused
Don't know the
Titanic from a carnival cruise
When they play ball green,
that's her cheat
That's how it ought to be
It takes a real big man, you see,
to be a momma's boy.
Momma loves country music.
She knows more about
country music than
Elion
Gonzalez knows about inner -TV.
That is everything but their names.
She called me right before the big
country music awards and said,
Who do you think's gonna win
that horizontal award?
Momma, it's
Horizon.
She said, I bet it's either
Timmy
Chesney or
Judy
Messina.
And that duo award will be close.
I say it'll be
Bruce and
Dawn or
John
Michael
Montgomery
Gentry
Album of the
Year's gotta be that
Wide
Open
Places by
Oopsy
Daisy
Entertainment of the
Year's between
Jim
McGraw,
Faith
Hall,
Cliff
Black, or
Rita
McIntyre
Mama, it's
Reba, she said,
OK,
Mr.
Big
Time
Country
Music
Comedian, you going to the awards?
Nope, sure ain't,
ain't got nothing to wear
I'd be more out of place than
Snoop
Doggy
Dog in a
George
Strait concert
Well, stop by
Motel 6 and get you something.
I said, they don't sell clothes there.
She said, well, everyone I've ever
seen had a sign that said,
Suits 29 .95.
All of his friends made fun of him
when he watched the
Super
Bowl with her instead of them.
His wife said, it's either her or me.
He said, I'm really gonna miss you,
baby, when you leave.
They both cry when the
Braves get beat.
But, brother, take it from me,
It takes a real big man, you see,
to be a mama's boy.
Mama won 1000 in a nine
-ball tournament at the
Elks
Lodge.
Called me up bragging.
I said, what you gonna do
with all that money,
Mama?
She said, I'm on my way to
the big city to invest it.
What you gonna invest it in,
the livestock market?
No, smarty
Bridget, I'm gonna buy
CDs.
I said, well, finally something smart.
Which ones you gonna get?
She said, the hottest ones
in the country.
Curtis
T.
Young.
Keeps her money in her bra,
don't trust a bank bank.
San
Pacino is a highfalutin' coffee drink.
On her last birthday,
you should have seen her face.
When he got them gift passes
to a nice car race.
He calls her eleven dozen
times a week.
That's how it ought to be.
It takes a real big man, you see,
to be a mama's boy.
Mama's boy.
Mama, how many times have I told you,
you can't get a virus from a computer?
No carpal tunnel ain't an underpass in
New
York
City.
And you can't catch nothing
while driving in the
HOV lane.
Cledus T. Judd 
