So Blaine was this dude,
for real, he was a promoter in San Angelo,
and he had me out there for 250 bucks to open
for Merle Haggard.
Merle Haggard has a clause in his contract
that says if it rains on an outdoor stage
at any point
24 hours prior to the show,
he doesn't have to play,
no matter what, no questions asked.
And so I showed up to the gig
about 10 in the morning,
it had rained overnight,
and about 10 .30 that morning,
word came over to Blaine
and his crew, his posse,
for real, they were his crew.
as I got to know him,
I would ask him,
like, hey man,
what you been up to?
They go, well, I just came back
to San Angelo
after my vacation in Huntsville.
And I was like, I didn't know
that was a real destination spot.
And then I figured out what it was.
And they were running from San Angelo
down to Mexico.
It's a straight shot on the highway
and then back up.
But I could play there with him,
and so did Robert.
So anyway,
we lost a bunch of money
playing pool.
They said,
Merle's canceling the show.
They said, well,
Blaine talked like this.
Can he come over to the club
and play a set?
I said, no. He said, okay.
How about he comes over
and just hangs out and
has a beer?
They said, no.
I said, how about if he just
comes over
like walks around the club once.
Said, nope, ain't gonna do it.
So he asked me if I'd come play.
I said, yeah, sure, man,
we'll be there.
And about 1030 at night,
word came over
that Merlin and his band
had set up at the Holiday Inn Lounge
and they were playing a full set.
And they were coming
unglued, man.
I mean, these guys had been up for seven days,
you know, they were using the product.
And so we started off,
Robert was there,
Bucket was there,
and about halfway through the first song,
Blaine comes up with this tray
full of tequila shots.
And he gets up,
knocks me off the mic
and goes, shut it down!
Shut this thing down!
And every table in the bar
is nailed down to the ground
so that people can stand on the tables
during the show.
And like the whole town, just act,
like they don't see each other
on Sunday or something, because,
I mean, they are going after it.
And he goes, hey, I got two things to say.
First, these boys right here,
they're better than chocolate
cake.
Everybody goes, yeah,
yeah, chocolate cake.
And then he says, number two,
fuck Merle Haggard.
And the whole place is like,
yeah, fuck him.
And then we play the song,
and we all throw a tequila shot
back.
Robert had just stopped drinking,
so he throws his over his
shoulder
and hits Pete,
the drummer, in the face.
And the second song rolls,
about halfway through the second song,
and here comes Blaine
with another tray of tequila shots.
And to say the entire speech again,
shots and all and everything,
and everybody's
like, hell yeah!
And for the next 17 songs,
Blaine came up every song
with a tray of tequila shots
and never really realized
he had said it before one time.
And so that night,
he got his fourth DUI
on his way home.
He was running for mayor at the time
too, by the way.
The owner of Blaine's Pub,
the bar of your dreams.
I was never really sure
what dream that was in,
but so he tells the cops
they only had two beers,
of course.
And when he gets in front of the judge,
he says, hey, I got a plan.
There's a world record
for consecutive rides
on a Ferris wheel.
I'm going bring a Ferris wheel to town,
and I'm going to ride that Ferris
wheel
until we break the record.
I'm going to get people
to ride it with me.
I'm going to charge 10 for a ride,
and when I get done,
I'm going to give you all the money
if you just don't send me to jail."
And the judge said, okay,
sounds like a great deal to me.
Jack Ingram 
