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The Horrible Movie Song accords par
The Four Postmen
The Four Postmen
Logo

N/A•
Verse 1
D
G

Oh, who's making these horrible movies

that they show on the big movie screens?

They chase and they crash and they dumb it
D
G

all up and I sit and I watch the credits.
Em
C
D

I watch to see who played that part so badly.
Em
C
D

I wonder why I can't be a movie star too.
Em

I sometimes audition for
C
D

a low -budget equity waiver.
Em
C

I just want a chance to prove
D

that I can suck too.
G

Oh, who's making these horrible movies that

they show on the big movie screens?

They charge more and more but they give us
D
G

less and I sit with my date and I suffer.
Em
C

Why must I watch

Battlefield
D

Earth?
C
D
G
C
D
G

The script was written in crayon, the script was written in crayon,
C
G

the script was written in crayon, the script was written in

Hey there!

Interior, movie studio,
C
G

big important meeting with big important people.
C

We just optioned this original adaptation, totally in dependent,
D
G
C

big studio, high concept, low budget art house spec script.
G

Brand new, been in development

for 25 years.

Working title is

Kill

Me

Now.

I just read the first draft treatment and
C
G

it's not very good but we can fix it in post.

It's real

Gen
Em

X and noisy with all that wacky
D
G

surround sound and the

THX

Dolby.
C

And I must say I see several sequels
D
G

an d at least one or two prequels.
C

The dope sheet on this baby got it to green
G

light, all the trades smell of bidding war.

Jump cut to the festivals, okay?

Two words, cha -ching!
C
D

Our best boy wrote this script!
G

He's a 20 -year -old former key grip, and

he used to work on the castings now,
D
G

so he's got ancillary rights,
C

and he wants contingent compensation on the back end.
G

Wink!

Picture this.

Extreme close -up of some famous

actor ad -libbing.

We shoot a guerrilla,

handheld, cinema verite.
Em
D
G

No protagonist, no antagonist,

no character arcs,
D

no plot, no subplots, no
G

B -story, no denouement!

Just avant -garde montages of a beautiful,

emaciated, 16 -year -old supporting cast.

We fire off a few squibs in the

car chase scenes.

Did somebody say

McDonald's, okay?

We split the merchandising

with a fast food joint
D

and they pass off our crappy worthless
G

toys for 99 cents with each combo.
D
G

Plus, we get to advertise for free on the soda
C

cups, which brings us to the love scene.
G

We hire a great pair of

boobs for the body doubles,
C
G

stand above on the bed, shoot at all

POV and

OTS and stop -motion steadicam.

When we sell a foreign distribution,

we can dump everything on a

D1,
C

dub it in
G

German, make it

Letterboxd and add subtitles

and hock a
C
G

DVD of the frickin' director's gun.

The cast is willing to work for scale
C
G

because we pitched it as an

Oscar contender

and most of them are stupid,
D

desperate has -beens anyway.
G

The director's willing to work for deferred compensation,
D

but I don't think we need a director on this one.
G

It pretty much directs itself.

We'll just send a

PA up to
D
G

Canada to shoot the principal

photography on a

Sony
D

Digicam.
G
D
G

Oh, I've got an idea for a movie.
C
D
G

All it needs is a bankable cast.
D

It'll open up

Labor

Day weekend,
G

and we'll sit and cuckold on the glass.

We can save money on sound, too.

Make it a silent film,

pretend we did it on purpose.

Who cares?

Let's go black and white.

Shoot the fight

scenes in claymation.

It doesn't matter.

We can do post -production in a slave

labor camp on a video toaster in

Taiwan.

What the hell?

Well, the
C
D
G

MPAA wants to give us an

NC -17, which is the kiss of frickin'

death.
D

They'll only give us the
G

R if we cut out some of the decapitations.
C
G

I say we storyboard the trailer.

Shoot it before we make the film.

See how it plays in a test market.
D
G

Make it kind of

MTV.

Think

Dawson's
D
G

Creek, real young and anamorphic.

No old people.

Slap the clapstick.
D
G

Soft light the depth of field.

Put some nose grease on the diopter.

Sink it.
D

Rack focus.
G

Splice the iris.

Hire a gaffer.

Orange stick most of the

MOS.

Sprocket a blue filter.

Tinker with the f -stop.

Rotoscope the wet gates.
C
D

Bootleg a word print.
G

And most important,
C
D
G

kiss the studio's ass and hope they like it.

Go by the bull legs, load the mags, pan and scan, sweeten the daily,
C

sandbag the licensing, and get this baby in the can!
G

We'll get

Elton

John to barf out the soundtrack,
C
D
G

package everything prorated, and most important,

KISS

THE

STUDIO'S

ASS
D

AND

PRAY

THEY

LIKE

IT!

If it sucks, we cut our throats,

call it a life, and it goes direct to video.

No big deal!
G

Aw, who's making these horrible movies that
D
G

they show on the big movie screens?
D
G

They chase and they crash and they dumb it
D
G

all up, and I sit and I watch the critics.
Em
C
D

I watch this evil play that parts so badly.
Em
C
D

I wonder why it can't be a movie star too.
Em

I sometimes audition for
C
D

a low -budget equity waiver
Em
C

I just want a chance to prove
D

that I can suck too
G

Oh, who's making these horrible movies
C
D
G

That they show in the big movie screens?

They should do us a favor

and blow up their brains
C
D
G

In the back of their big limousines
C
D
G

In the back of their big limousines
C
D

In the back of their big limousines
G

Come on!

It's a wrap!

We're not done.

you

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