On the footpath out the front
of oxford arts
Stinging for a stiff drink in a short glass
Junkies and cop cars rushing past
And I'm thinking there could be
a bit of mischief on the cards
It was a Friday night and the
treble was clanging
And the hipsters was hanging,
and the ladies was banging
So uh, me and the fellas
are looking for companions
In the corner chatting to these chicks,
tryna make it happen
And as far as I can tell, it's all going swell
Vibing out, just hanging
with my mademoiselle
But I wasn't planning on
that everyman for himself
When my boy's step in
and start chatting as well
I figure it's game over,
that's stiff competition
See my man's got a way with women
Self fashioned casanova,
the other has a lady at home, but
He's still on a mission to fill his quota
And sure enough,
next thing you know they're both pairing up
And I'm back at square one thinking,
'fuck it, I'm done'
So I catch a cab home down
parramatta road
Listen to the cabby chatter
on his phone
Breath fogging up the glass,
city lights rushing past
Damn, I shoulda seen it coming
from the start
Nice guys finish last
And good girls move too fast,
woah- woah- woah
Now you're sitting in the
back of your car
Thinking that you've gone too far
But you'll never know
No, you'll never know (oi)
'Cause nice guys finish last
Back in the day I made a song I can't escape that got
A strange response and either
played a lot or hated on
Got asked a lot which cafe
the song was based upon
An d did you date at all? What ever
happened to the waitress from it?
Don't get me wrong,
I'm about as nice as the bacon was
But fuck it, play along and humor me
As I rewind to 2008 and teleport,
I'm staring at the salad fork
She served me with the coffee
that I drank in north
Carlton half of the reason that I was
stuck with that piece of shit
Cup of coffee was she was lovely
and made it for me
The other half of the reason
I was so comfortable
Eating there I was starved,
it was cheap and I was so crazy poor
I never asked for her name
'cause I was so shy
Once I'd written a rhyme about
her in case she thought I was crazy, or
Maybe she'd hate it so
I debated for ages
And stayed away while I made up mind
and ate at a sandwich store
One day I thought, 'fuck it, I'll play it for her
She'll probably love
it and throw her apron off
On the tabletop or some fucking
fairytale in the making
So later on I went back to that cafe
holding "the waitress song"
I walked up to the counter,
smiled and waited for her
And then I found out that she was
There were seven billion
people on the planet
And you managed to make others mat
ter as much as a mannequin
It's more than magic,
more than just a magician
Fishing another fucking rabbit
out of his hat again
And you were angelic as Marilyn
And you were seen searchin'
for Jimmy Dean
And I wasn't even rappin' then
Granted that I was barely even a man,
a little like Billy Madison
Nah- nah, fuck it, I ain't havin' it
Haha, fuck up, who you lying to?
She caught him riding you be like
a spider biting you
Dude you been droppin'
everything but evidently
In the friendzone, rather
share a bento box
And play Nintendo than ever have
you entering the bedroom
On death row, headed home alone
While the cabbie stopped for petrol
I was hangin' off my phone
On some bullshit
Now you're sitting in the back of your
Horrorshow 
