In response to a steadily diminishing
number of requests,
we'd now like to perform for you a
charming Edwardian ballad
which describes the curious properties
of a nauseatingly sweet wine
entitled
Have Some Madeira Madeira.
I think I crimped my Dr.
Scholl's foot pad.
La -ga -da -yum,
la -ga -da -yum,
la -ga -da -yum, la -ga -da -yum
Shoo -bee -doo -bee, ooh -blah -doo -bee,
shoo -bee -rah -ha -ha -ha -ha -ha -ha
She was young, she was pure,
she was new, she was nice
She was fair, she was sweet seventeen
He was old, he was vile,
no stranger to vice
He was bad, he was base, he was mean
He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat
to view his collection of stamps,
all unperforated.
And he said as he hastened
to put out the cat, the wine,
his cigar, and the lamps,
Have some Madeira, my dear.
You really have nothing to fear.
I'm not trying to tempt you,
that wouldn't be right.
One should not take spirits
at this time of night.
Have some Madeira, my dear.
It's ever so much nicer than beer.
Now I don't care for sherry,
and one cannot drink stout.
And port is a wine I could well do without.
It's really a case of Shakas on gout.
Ha -ha.
Have some Madeira, Madeira.
La -ga -dee -yum, la -ga -dee -yum,
la -ga -dee -yum, la
-ga -dee -yum.
Shoo -bee -doo -bee, oo -bla -doo -bee,
shoo -bee -ra -ha -ha
-ha -ha -ha -ha.
Unaware of the wiles
of the snake in the grass
and the fate of a maiden who topes,
She lowered her standards
by raising her glass, her courage,
her eyes, an d his hopes.
She sipped it,
she drank it, she drained it, she did,
he quietly refilled it again. And he said as he secretly carved
one more notch on the butt of his gold -handled cane,
Have some Madeira, Madeira
I have a small cask of it here
And once it's been opened,
you know it won't keep
Do finish it up, it will help you to sleep
Have some Madeira, Madeira
It's really an excellent year
Now if it were gin,
you'd be wrong to say
Yes, the evil jinn does
would be hard to assess.
And besides,
it's inclined to affect me prowess.
Have some Madeira, my dear.
Lockity -yum, lockity -yum,
lockity -yum,
lockity -yum, shooby -dooby, oobla -dooby,
shooby -ra -ha -ha -ha -ha -ha -ha.
Then they are flashed through her
mind
what her mother had said,
with her anti -penultimate breath.
Oh, my child, should you gaze on the wine when it is red,
be prepared for a faint voice then, then.
She let go her glass with a shy little cry. Ah! Crash tinkle,
it fell to the floor.
When he said, what in heaven,
she made no reply.
up her mind and a dash to the door.
Have some Madeira, Madeira!
rang out down the hall loud an d clear
in a tremulous voice
that was filled with despair
as she fought to take breath
in the cool midnight air.
Have some Madeira, Madeira!
The words seemed to ring in her ear.
Until the next morning
she woke up in bed
With a smile on her lips
and an ache in her head
And a beard in her ear hole
which tickled and said
Have some Madeira,
Madeira!
So now we're going to do
a song
about comparative religion.
Indeed. Yeah. Indeed.
Do we have anything further
to add to that?
Probably not. Well, I think we know the...
Okay. Shut up.
Let's do some gospel singing,
I think. Oh, good idea. Yeah. we go.
Mm, yum, yum, yum.
One.
The Limeliters 
